Cheryl Burke is ‘choosing not to date’ amid divorce

Unapologetically is a Yahoo Life series in which people get the chance toshare how they live their best life — out loud and in color, without fear orregret — looking back at the past with a smile and embracing the future withexcited anticipation.

Cheryl Burke is stepping into a new phase of life. the Dancing With theStars pro, 38, recently split from her husband Matthew Lawrence. Now, she islearning how to feel comfortable in her own company after “grieving” the endof her marriage. For now, she’s “choosing not to date,” she says.

“It’s just me and my Frenchie,” she tells Yahoo Life. “I’ve been sober now forfour years, and with that comes self-reflecting. I’m like a sponge and I’mjust learning to love myself and really learning to be alone instead oflonely. I think it’s very important for me to establish that relationship withmyself so that I don’t continue on that same pattern of men andrelationships.”

When the time comes for the Dance Moms alum to date, she says she’s shunningthe dating apps in favor of a more old school approach to meeting someone.

“I’m all about matchmakers,” she says. “I know statistics show that they havea high rate. It’s not just about swiping left to see who looks good and whatoccupation they do — it’s deeper than that.”

The relationship she’s most focused on at the moment, however, is the one withherself. Burke, who previously opened up about her past with sexual abuse, hasa self care routine that includes meditation and therapy. One important thingshe has learned through both practices was the idea that “we are not ourthoughts,” but rather “observers” of our thoughts.

“It’s not trying to define yourself by outside sources,” she notes. “So yourjob, your friends, your family, your name … it’s developing this foundationwithin yourself and knowing your self worth without all of that.”

That includes shutting down people-pleasing tendencies she’s relied on in thepast.

“I used to put everybody else in front of me and my needs, and I realize thatthat I’m doing myself a disservice,” she explains. “I think it’s veryimportant to just take a breath and be kind to yourself because this is noteasy.”

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Burke, who struggles with body dysmorphia, says that what she sees in themirror “isn’t necessarily what everybody else sees.” While she is trying tochange the “vocabulary” around her self-criticism, her body is something shethinks about often.

“I think it’s really hard for women to accept who they are today,” she muses.”Especially if you’re in a business like I am in the entertainment industry …comparison is the devil.”

“I hope one day my body dysmorphia goes away,” she adds. “But I also have to …give it grace, and same thing with age. It’s like, you gotta accept it forwhat it is and just know that you’re working to be better…And I think the moreyou own it internally, the more you’ll see it externally.”

When it comes to feeling sexy, Burke says, “What makes me feel sexy every dayis loving myself, is really giving back to me and putting me first.”

She has also spoken out recently about never having had an orgasm throughsexual intercourse — a story, she says, that has been “misinterpreted” a bitby the press.

“I’ve had an orgasm before through sexual acts,” she explained. “But when itcomes to me being molested, when I was a little girl, [there are] sexual actsthat I don’t want to necessarily be performed on me, because it’s a triggeringthing when it comes to my mental health. I know a few women who have gonethrough something similar who also feel the same, or you just completelydisconnect and sex just becomes the act, and there’s nothing meaningful behindit.”

Now, Burke says she is “most unapologetic” about sharing her “life story” —even when some people complain she is “oversharing.”

The reason, she says, is b because of the “amount of feedback and emails andcomments I get from people saying, ‘Thank you. I know I’m not alone.’”

“That to me… means the world,” she shares. “It takes away any shame, even justspeaking it, because I’m hopefully leading by example.”

—Video produced by Olivia Schneider.

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