Rosie O’Donnell Opens Up About Her Daughter with Autism in Emotional Essay: ‘She’s a Gift’

_When her daughter Dakota was diagnosed with autism at age 2½ in 2016, Rosie O’Donnell felt afraid at first. “I was worried about how she would make it inthis world,” says the star, now 60. “I worried about my longevity, because asyou speak to parents of kids with autism, their main worry is what happenswhen they die. Who’s going to love their child and understand them the way youdo?” _

It ‘s something that O’Donnell, now playing a tough-talking detective in theShowtime series _American gigolo , still grapples with as she watches her9-year-old daughter come of age in a world that does not always understand hercomplexities. “I know this is something that will be with her her whole life,and she’ll learn to adjust to a world that doesn’t necessarily go at her ownpace,” says O’Donnell, also mom to Parker, 27, Chelsea , 25, Blake, 22, andVivienne, 19. _

_Meanwhile, raising her active, artistic little girl has given O ‘Donnell newperspective. “With Dakota, I am learning to have compassion much deeper than Iever did,” she says. “To really listen and communicate in a way I never had towith my other kids. I know there are people struggling and they don’t know howthey will get through another day. And I understand. But the sense ofvulnerability that comes with having a kid with autism has been a gift to me.She teaches me.” _

Here O ‘Donnell shares their journey in her own words.

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Rosie O’Donnell Rollout

_courtesy of Rosie O ‘Donnell _

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Dakota’s first word was a full sentence before she was 1. We were watching_Frozen_ , and she said “I been…pale.” I said, “What?” and then I hear Olafsay “I’ve been impaled.” She was always highly verbal. Sometimes she wouldstare off in a way that she felt unreachable for a moment. She had a littlebit of stimming [a repetitive behavior often associated with autism] she wasdoing with her hands. She has always been very cuddly — and loves to curl upbeside me on the couch. I thought she was quirky — and beautiful and perfect.

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Still, I knew something was off, but I wasn’t sure what it was. She didn’tanswer to her name. When she was being tested [for autism], the doctor keptcalling out to her “Dakota, Dakota.” She didn’t respond. Somewhere deep down Iknew. Getting the diagnosis felt like I was punched in the stomach. I had togive myself a moment to go, “Okay, we’re going to figure out how to getthrough it.”

You can read as much as possible, but they say when you meet one person withautism, you’ve met one person with autism. It’s a spectrum. For me — it’slike an angel fell into my life. One who doesn’t function by societalstandards. I’m not taking away from the pain and hardship that this diagnosisbrings to families. All of a sudden, there’s a child with a lot of needs andyou spend a lot of time trying to connect on their level. It’s not easy — butit’s necessary to let them know they are seen.

I didn’t want Dakota to feel shame about her diagnosis. I have told her fromthe start that autism is her superpower. I hear her announcing to strangers,”My name is Dakota. I’m 9 and I have allergies and autism.” It’s like adifferent operating system.

She was endlessly curious. So I focused on how to enable her to learn in theway that her brain was set up to learn. When she was in second grade, all thekids were reading Dory Fantasmagory. Even though she couldn’t read, shewould bring the book to school and pretend. I knew for her self-esteem, we hadto get her reading. We found a great school in Los Angeles, and she’s nowreading at grade level. They have all kinds of neurodivergent kids andspecial-needs learners. It’s a beautiful melting pot.

She feels things deeply but doesn’t always express emotions. We were drivinghome one night and she said, “Mommy, there’s water on my face.” I said, “Thoseare tears. Are you sad?” and we talked about what feelings were. I held herand let her cry, reminding her everyone has feelings.

Sometimes she’s a little awkward with strangers and she’ll start to give themscientific information. She tells kids about the Mariana Trench and how to digup sea crabs. We were once playing on the beach with a new family. I said tothe dad under my breath, “She’s neurodivergent.” Then Dakota turned and said,”I have autism. It’s okay.”

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Rosie O’Donnell Rollout

_courtesy of Rosie O ‘Donnell _

When she was 5 she asked if she could talk to her birth mother. We’re incontact, so Dakota gets on FaceTime and says, “Are you the lady whose tummy Iwas in? I just wanted you to know I’m the kid that was in there, and when Igot born, my mommy held me and I squeezed her pinkie, and I am with her. So Ijust want to let you know that’s what happened to me. Bye.” I was in tears aswas her birth mom. That’s a pretty intense, complex, emotional thing for alittle girl to put together.

Dakota is 9½ now. I’ve been fraught with anxiety when each of my childrenturned 10. I have that year of thinking, “I better not die.” I was 10 yearsold when my mom died of breast cancer. It’s a shocking thing to lose a motherat a young age. Your mom is the center. You need them for everything: trainingbras, transitioning into puberty. Going through that on my own was a scarypart of my childhood. You feel very alone. I don’t ever want Dakota to feelthat.

Dakota’s autism forces me to see the world from a completely different place.She’s a gift from another dimension. The things she knows — about sea anemonesand tide pools. I got to 60 not knowing about the Mariana Trench. Now I knowall about it! Her ability to absorb information is unparalleled. I can imagineher winning on jeopardy! someday. She teaches me. To be able to see theworld as she does — for me, it’s been a wonderfully magical experience. I’m soglad we have each other.

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