Unapologetically is a Yahoo Life series in which people get the chance toshare how they live their best life — out loud and in color, without fear orregret — looking back at the past with a smile and embracing the future withexcited anticipation.
Since leaving Bravos Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in 2020 after threeseasons, Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave has been busy.
When she isn’t encouraging other women to be their best selves through herlifestyle and fitness company, All In by Teddi, Arroyave, 41, brings levity tothe world as co-host of the hit podcast Two T ‘s in a Podo_alongside fellow_RHOBH alum Tamra Judge. But maintaining a work-life balance is top priorityin the reality star’s life — even though she admits it doesn’t come easy.
“People will always ask me ‘How do you have this perfect balance? It seemslike you have it all figured out with all of the kids and work and yourrelationship,’ and it’s just not the truth,” the mom of three tells YahooLife. “The truth of the matter is it comes in waves. If you set up the peoplein your life with expectations for what’s going on in your week, that’s wherewe really thrive.”
Keeping a firm schedule is key, she explains, especially when it comes toplanning time with her kids: Slate, 9, Cruz, 8, and Dove, 2, whom she shareswith husband Edwin Arroyave.
“If I know I have a really busy work day, I tell my entire family during ourmorning time. I say, ‘Guys, just so you know, this afternoon, mommy might be alittle tense and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. I just want you toknow that work is really busy today.”
Though Arroyave, the daughter of singer John Mellencamp, has since recruitedhelp with the kids after giving birth to Dove in 2020, she admits it took torake up enough courage to ask for it.
Former Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave getsreal about finding balance in her 40s. (Photo: Getty; designed by QuinnLemmers)
“I didn’t have anyone helping me originally with Slate and Cruise,” she says,noting that she chose to quit her profession as an equestrian to have moretime caring for her family. “Once I had them both, I put this really strongguilt on myself, like, you can ‘t possibly ask anybody to help because youstopped working for this. I didn’t ask for what I actually needed.”
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Being the daughter of a celebrity, she explains, adds even more pressure.
“The amount of pressure that you put on yourself when you come from a parentthat is in the spotlight, and you yourself wanna be in the spotlight, is alot,” she says. “It’s gonna sound kind of sad, but I really wanted theapproval of my dad. You want that parent that’s so successful to look at youand be like, wow. And even though they probably were like, wow before mostof the kids that I know that have parents that are really incredible atsomething, their kids are gonna take on that pressure.”
Arroyave stresses the importance of being transparent with her fans,explaining that she never wants “people to think that something just naturallyhappened if it didn’t, because I don’t wanna make people feel alone.”
That’s a lesson she’s learned with age, she says, acknowledging that askingfor help is not a sign of weakness, but of strength and accountability — amessage she hopes resonate with other women. That mindset, in turn, has alsonourished the relationship with her husband.
“After 11 years of marriage, I would say that it still takes work. It’s nevergoing to be effortless,” she says of Edwin. “As much as we want [husbands] tobe mind readers, they don’t get any better at it, and that doesn’t change thelonger you’ve been together. The other thing is we really try not to takeourselves too seriously with one another. He knows that I am very type A andorganized and I like to be on time and that’s just who I am by nature, andhe’s very fly by [the seat of your pants]. We’re just so polar opposites inthat way, but we laugh about it now, whereas before we would get like, ‘That’snot who I am!’”
Standing firm in what she wants — including her decision to have a neck liftearlier this year — is all par for the course.
“Edwin, when it comes to surgery, for my boobs and for my neck, he is like oneof those people that’s like, ‘I don’t even wanna know,’” she says. “As long asI’m happy, Edwin’s happy. **** I don’t wanna ever not look like myself. WouldI get a full facelift in, you know, 20 years? I have absolutely no idea.Probably! Like, I can’t say, but right now there’s not anything I’m itching todo.”
Though she admits to never having been a person that “stresses about thenumber,” entering her 40s welcomed new understandings about how Arroyave wantsto spend her time.
“The biggest thing that keeps me going and keeps me excited is I like to keepevolving and changing and figuring out what keeps me happy,” she says. “Yes,of course I work really hard. Sometimes I’m working, you know, 12 hour days or14 hour days, but my work also feels like fun. It’s things that I love andthings that I’m passionate about. It’s things that make me feel good or thatI’m laughing while I’m doing it.”
Such was the case with the podcast she cohosts alongside Judge, an experienceshe never anticipated at this stage in her life.
“All of a sudden it’s number one every week,” she says of the success of TwoT ‘s in a Podo. “Our expectations were like, _OK, we ‘re two firedHousewives. Let’s see what happens, _and __ then it really just has taken off.It’s an exciting turn that just reminds us, like, never give up, keep focusingon things that you’re good at and that you enjoy doing.”
“In order to feel good with yourself, at some point you have to beunapologetic and for me a big part has been the power of yes, but also thepower of no,” she reflects. “You can laugh at the hate. You can laugh at thefun. You can laugh at all the different things and as long as you surroundyourself with real people that will tell you the way it is and the truth,that’s what matters in life. I’ve been able to do that. So I feel reallylucky.”
— Video produced by Stacy Jackman
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