In November 2018, Tamera Mowry-Housley’s life was forever changed when she waswoken up to a call with unimaginable news.
The actress and former talk show host learned that her 18-year-old nieceAlaina Housley — who she often referred to as her “favorite Housley” — hadbeen killed in a mass shooting with 11 others at the Borderline Bar & Grill inThousand Oaks , California.
Now, for the first time since Alaina’s death, Mowry-Housley, 44, is detailingthe dark day and its aftermath in an exclusive excerpt from her new book YouShould Sit Down for This (out Tuesday, Oct. 4), in which she also shares herlife story, from child stardom on Sister, Sister to a daytime TV stint on_The Real._
Tamara Mowry Recounts the Day Niece Alaina Died in Bar Shooting in New Memoir
You Should Sit for This Cover Art
On the night of November 7, 2018, not too long after going to sleep, myhusband’s phone rang. It was Arik, Adam’s brother, “Alaina went out dancingwith friends, and there was a shooting—it’s all I know right now.”
A shooting? alaina? This is impossible, she has to be okay. The samenightmare that has destroyed too many families in this country had arrived inour bedroom—and unfortunately the nightmare was real.
Alina Housley. My sweet, sweet Alaina, you stole my heart when you were justfive years old. By now you all know (I’m talking to you, readers!) I wasemailing back and forth with Adam before I met him in person. In the firstpicture he sent me he was standing next to a tiny, bright-eyed, mocha-skinnedbeauty whose smile was larger than life. alaina . . . your uncle was wise toinclude you in the first photo he shared with me, because who could resistyour cuteness? Who wouldn’t want to go out with a man who so clearly adoredhis niece? I’ll admit it, when I first saw that picture, I thought, Okay, Ican definitely have kids with this man. If there ‘s any chance they’ll looklike her, I’m all in!
tamera-mowry-Alaina-Housley
Tamera Mowry/Instagram
Story continues
Alaina, you and I clicked instantly. We bonded over fun, girly things likemanicures, hair braiding, makeup, and clothes. I was in love with Adam, and Iwas smitten with your entire family, but it didn’t take me long to come to asurprising conclusion. That you, Alaina, were my favorite Housley. You knowthat, right, Alaina? And I’m sorry for Adam! But it’s the honest to God truth.We sang so well together, too. I treasure the photograph of us right after wesang the national anthem together before the first Napa Valley 1839 soccergame. I often show that picture to people because it captures the essence ofour relationship. Our faces show lots of love with a big side of silly. Welook so proud and happy in that picture! Remember how hard it is to hit thatcrazy high note at the end? That note is no joke! That day you taught me thatthere is something even more joyful than singing, and that’s singing withsomeone whom you love with all your heart.
In true Housley-Mowry fashion, you chose to matriculate at Pepperdine. Youfollowed in the footsteps of both of your parents, of your Uncle Adam, me, andof course Tia. A bright, outgoing girl—you probably could have studiedanywhere you wanted to, but you were proud to step into a family tradition. Idon’t know how, but you managed to teach yourself to play the ukulele. Iremember how you blew everyone’s mind at the school talent show. Adam filledme in on your brilliant performance in Les Miserables. I was out of town andso sad to miss your performance, to miss seeing you in your element. you loved_Hamilton_ as much as I did. Work! And I was thrilled that you were theatercurious, falling in love with acting and auditioning for plays in college. Youknew I had your back—whatever you needed, advice, support, a last minute mani-pedi.
But this is the part that haunts me sometimes. Alaina, you wanted me to comesee you to talk about acting and your new life in college, and I couldn’t makeit work. I didn’t think much of it, because I was going to see you at Aden’sbirthday party the next week. In a million years I couldn’t have imagined I’dnever see you again. It’s impossible to make sense of this. Someone with a gunwent into a bar and stole your life along with the lives of eleven otherinnocent people. I ache for everything that was stolen. Your graduation fromPepperdine, your first job after college, the traveling you would have done,the men you would have dated, helping you through your first broken heart, thesongs you would have sung, your wedding (you stole the show in mine you lookedso pretty!), your first baby. We were robbed of all your potential—your entirefuture.
Your uncle drove down to Thousand Oaks to try to find you. He had covered massshootings before, and yet it was unthinkable that you could be involved inone. I called the emergency hotline so many times that I was gently and kindlytold they would call me when there was information. Your iPhone said thatyou were in the bar where the shooting took place hours and hours after theevent happened, and we knew what that probably meant. But the little thread ofhope was not something that was easy for any of us to let go of. Finally, yourdad got the word. “She’s gone,” he said to your uncle. Those two little wordscarried so much power. An unbelievable amount of grief— _She ‘s gone. _It isnot possible to describe what any of us felt. I can’t tell you what it waslike to tell Ariah and Aden that their cousin was gone. Honestly, Alaina, I’mnot entirely sure the words to describe this level of pain actually exist.
The Napa Police drove down to where you were. You were brought home with apolice escort—and the cops were crying too. The worst thing I have ever seenin my life was your mother’s face when you arrived in that long black car. Herbaby had come home, and she crumpled.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BqGKAEEAzRe/ tameramowrytwo’s profile picturetameramowrytwo Verified Happy 6th birthday Aden! Alaina was excited to come toyour birthday party. But as you said buddy, “She lives in your heart now.” Welove you.�� 202w
Tamera Mowry/Instagram Niece Alaina and Son Aden
She wailed. I don’t know how she survived that moment, because this was notthe way you were supposed to come home from college. Seeing you in that carwas a horrible reminder that this nightmare was real, and it wasn’t going toend. The cops escorted you—silently, but with lights on, to the cemetery. Theoutpouring of support and love from the people of Napa was incredible. Theylined the streets for you and your family. You wouldn’t think something likethat could help, but it did. You were loved.
Of all the people who saved me from constant despair, it was your mother. Sheshouldn’t have had to save me, but she did. As we were approaching the secondanniversary of your death and the pain was still raw, she said, “Tamera, I’verealized something. Alaina was never fully mine. She belonged to God. I mighthave given birth to her, but her mission here on earth is done. She’s with Himnow.” What a brave and wise thing to say—what a generous way to move forwardin life after experiencing such pain! That’s your mom, Alaina. She’s reallysomething.
I learned that day how much love can hurt. Losing you hurt so much, and itstill hurts a lot, but losing you also taught me to love. A little harder. Iam going to love my people at full capacity—because we have no idea what’sgoing to happen, Alaina. You’re not even here, but you still taught me to lovedeeper, more fully, and without any reservation at all. I’m spreading as muchlove as I can around this world, and it’s all thanks to the privilege ofknowing you.
Excerpted from the book YOU SHOULD DOWN FOR THIS by Tamera Mowry-HousleyCopyright © 2022 by Tamera Mowry-Housley. Reprinted with permission ofLegacy Lit. All rights reserved.