He took part in the ‘Je Zal Het Maar’ program, greets people with his feetand types with his toes as fast as you and I do with our fingers. We aretalking about 29-year-old Tilburger Emiel van Engelen. He was born withoutarms. Yet he remains optimistic and feels like the king of Tilburg when helooks over the city from his studio. We ask (0)13 questions to this specialTilburger!
#1: So you were born without arms, how come?
“Yes, I was born 29 years ago without arms. My parents didn’t know I wouldn’thave arms until I was born. The ultrasounds they received showed nothingcrazy, afterwards the doctors said they should have seen this. But it is alsoso rare, so I understand that they have not taken it into account. The doctorsexplained it in a simple way: in the first six weeks of pregnancy your armsand legs shoot out of the egg and with me it was only with my legs. But Ithink it’s an experiment of nature.”
“My parents decided to just try the ‘normal’ life, so I just went to a normalprimary and secondary school. If things didn’t go well, I could always go toan accompanying school, but I adapted well. I am very happy that my parentshave handled it this way, because now I have as normal a life as possible.”
#2: Are more people born in the Netherlands without arms?
“In the Netherlands there are five people like me. Of course you also havepeople who were born with arms, but have experienced something that means thatthey now have no arms. But really only five people were born without arms likeme. I also speak to them sometimes and you notice that we all have the sameattitude in life.”
#3: To what extent are you actually limited?
“In the eyes of others, a life without the poor is a very serious limitation,but I don’t experience that at all. Everyone has their thresholds in life andthese are my thresholds. I actually don’t feel limited at all, although a lotof people think this of course. Everyone also thinks to themselves: ‘Whatwould change for me if I didn’t have arms now’, but that is a wrong way ofthinking, because I don’t know any better. And I hope that my immediateenvironment does not see me as limited or as ‘that boy without arms’, butsimply as Emiel. I do need help with some things, of course, but I would alsohelp someone if they need help. That’s what friends and family are for, ofcourse.”
“I always call it a limitation, because a handicap sounds very heavy to me.And you know, at home I’m not limited at all. I can grab and open anythingwith my feet and toes. But when I walk down the street with my shoes on, youare more limited than someone who does have arms. In general I just feel likemy peers, I can just text with my toes and I also like to game, I’m one of thebest in our group of friends”.
#4: So you live on your own?
“Yes, I live all by myself in my own little studio. I work full-time as anadministrative assistant at the Tilburg company DESTIL. I started as an internand stayed there. All the steps that I have taken in life, I have takenmyself. Without help from the UWV, benefits or whatever. And I’m very proud ofthat. Like everyone else, I had to work very hard for it. But with adisability you may have to go the extra mile to achieve things that are verynormal for people without disabilities. At the company I now work for, theywere skeptical when they first saw me. That is also logical, you are oftenalready 1-0 behind. Now they don’t know any better and they are very happywith me. I can operate the computer with my feet and am just as fast assomeone with arms.”
#5: How would you most like to be treated by people?
“I would like to be treated the same way everyone treats each other. Peopleare quickly inclined to do everything for you, but if I really need help, Iwill ask for it myself. You do learn to stand up for yourself if you don’thave arms. But it also made me a stronger person. I know that I am oftenlooked at on the street and I think that makes sense. Conversely, I also lookat someone who has something striking. It only gets really annoying whenpeople start staring or pointing at me.”
#6: You have also given a number of guest lectures at primary schools, doyou want to do that more often?
“To answer this question, we have to go back a little further in time. Ialways lived in my own bubble and that was fine with me. Until more and morepeople said I should do more with it. Then in 2019 I participated in the ‘Youwill have it’ program. I’ve had a lot of positive reactions to it. After thatI was approached more often by people who wanted to write something about me,but I make sure that I don’t become a caricature. After that, I started givingguest lessons at a primary school with children with learning difficulties,who often have the feeling that they are behind 3-0. That gave me a lot ofsatisfaction, so I definitely want to do this more often.”
#7: Do you think your life would be different if you had arms?
“Yeah right. But not in general terms, because with arms I would just have ajob and live on my own. I’m also pretty lazy, so if I was born with arms Imight be even lazier. Now I have to prove myself more I guess. So maybe that’sa good thing, haha.”
#8: Are there any benefits to not having arms?
“Yes I think so. I’ve been to places I would never go with arms, on TV forexample. Look, you stand out a little more compared to other people. This canturn out positively, but also negatively.”
#9: Is Tilburg a friendly city for someone with a disability?
“I think so, of course many people already know me. And when I go somewherealone, I know that I can always ask for help from people. Tilburgers are alsoready for each other. I once walked home quite drunk and ran into anacquaintance who helped me. Then someone stopped on a scooter to see ifeverything was going well. I think that’s neat, because for the same money Iwas robbed.”
#10: You play soccer too, what’s that like for someone who was bornwithout arms?
“I like that very much. I’ve always played football, but when I was eighteen Ihad surgery on my back and I couldn’t play football for two years. Then theclub asked if I would like to train a team. I thought this would be fun andthat way you stay connected to the club a bit. You work with kids and you seethem get better, so that was nice to see. I had a special bond with the teamand promised that when they were older I would play football with them. In thebeginning that was exciting, because you have always been a trainer and nowyou are suddenly a fellow player. In the dressing room I also found itexciting, because when you are around eighteen or nineteen helping another mannaked is often a taboo. Fortunately, this came very naturally.”
#11: Friends call you the Casanova, how did you get that nickname?
“I always have my word ready. I like to talk to girls and if you don’t havearms that’s usually a good icebreaker. Nine times out of ten a girl also comesto me because I have something special. So I don’t really have to put in mucheffort, haha.”
#12: You also travel quite a lot, where have you all been?
“Pooh, I took a tour of America with my cousin. I have been traveling toIceland with a mate for the past year and also went to New Zealand once. Insecondary school I followed an exchange project in Denmark. And this year I’mgoing to New Zealand again. I always tell myself that I don’t want to limitmyself by my limitation. So I mostly enjoy life.”
#13: Do you have a life motto?
“Yes, my mother always says, ‘Society doesn’t adapt to you, but you have toadapt to society.’ And that’s how I live my life. You have to live as normal alife as possible and do things you enjoy.”
More info
Are you curious about how Emiel does things in practice on a daily basis? Thenwatch the episode of ‘You will have it’ here.